There’s Lore?

I am a nerd (shocking, I know) and like most nerds, I have a hard time remembering people’s names and my relationship to them. There’s only so much room left in my head after all the metabolic pathways and Valve game lore trivia I’ve memorized. So I’ve been maintaining a lore document to keep track of all that stuff but got a bit carried away while writing it. I thought it’d be a shame if only I had access to it. Why is it called a ‘lore document’ if it’s supposed to be a diagetic in-universe notebook? Why am I lampshading this? Because… shut up.

Bad Guys (My Allies):

My Nemeses:

Miscellaneous:

Dr. Alex “The Mad Scientist” Erkon Ph.D Ph.D.E M.D Sc.D. D.A.S D.Rec D.C D.L.S A.B.C U.&.Me N.D. X.K.C.D A.C.D.C B.F.F B.J

Age: 20s

Gender: Fanshionless Femboy

Height: Short Enough That I’m Afraid to Measure

Length: Short Enough That I’m Afraid to Measure

This is my blog. I am me; a mad scientist supervillain. More specifically my name is Dr. Erkon. Or is it? Could that just be an alias to protect my identity as a member of the deep state? Is it actually a meaningless sound I think sounds cool? Might I actually just be a bored undergraduate? Who knows!?

I enjoy long walks on the beach and world domination. The only thing greater than my interest in all the sciences is my extreme mental stability. I have been diagnosed with Science-Related Memetic Disorder and my insurance doesn’t cover medication. Hence I have a compulsion to do mad science, laugh nefariously, and replace all the light switches in my home with dramatic Frankenstein-esque blade switches. I have 36 doctorates and a Ph.D. in evil. 

I am a ‘Pataphysical anomaly. Basically, if you read all the mad scientist-related tropes on TVTropes.com, that’s my superpower. I have unrealistically broad scientific expertise, but also have selective memory based on the needs of the plot. I can routinely break the laws of physics and logic to create doomsday devices and other McGuffins. However, it is virtually impossible for me to actually win against anyone with enough protagonistic qualities. But I also can’t be defeated permanently. I usually make a quick getaway while laughing maniacally. Even if I die, that just gets retconned so I can return as the next villain of the week.

I’m also a queer-coded villain. I used to be a super straight masculine man full of manliness, but as soon as I committed my first evil scheme I transformed into an unambiguously gay femboy. Beware the flamboyant villain pipeline.

Featured in pretty much every article. I am the blog’s only author so far.

Igorevich Ivanovsky

Dr. Erkon’s equivalent of Igor is literally just an unpaid graduate student. 

Erkon told this poor kid that he’s a professor and can get him a PhD. (this being a joke about how a lot of professors exploit their graduate’s students for free labor, and usually only have them do basic things like distillations or dramatically flipping the big switch.)

This graduate student’s name actually is Igor, (he’s an eastern European going to university in America. He’s also a descendant of Dimitri Ivanovsky.). But other than that he’s a completely normal guy. He often has to be the straight man to Erkon’s complete lunacy. The only responsible one in the room.

However, being an outsider and a student, Igor often needs Erkon to explain stuff to him (though in reality Erkon is explaining stuff to the audience).

Lord Erkon H.G. Madstein of the Castle Aratais

Lord Erkon with Dr. Jekyll's potion, also kid Dr Erkon is there because I wanted to draw them because they're cute

Lord Erkon is Dr. Erkon’s equivalent from the past in a parallel timeline where Erkon was born during the Victorian period. Hence, while Dr. Erkon is more of a stereotypical 20-21st century mad scientist (Bond/Comic book villains, etc), Lord Erkon is a stereotypical 19th century mad scientist (think the sort of mad scientist featured in the Halloween rogues gallery/monster mash. Frankenstein, etc.). 

Lord Erkon uses a time machine to travel to the present day. However, he can only do this when the veil between the world of the living and the world of the spooky is the thinnest. While this isn’t necessarily during the witching hour or the day of the dead, it does have to be within the same three to four week time period, i.e. he’s only around during October.

Erkon Madstein was born in the state of Illinois during the American civil war. He later moved to Britain after receiving a letter that his great grand uncle thrice removed was dead and that he was now the sole living heir of his fortune and noble title. So if it sounds like Lord Erkon has a fake and unconvincing accent, that’s because he does. He uses his tremendous idle wealth to fund his exploration of science and perversions of nature. He does not have a doctorate, but neither did Frankenstein, so who cares? Science wasn’t that hard back then.

Given that there is no Castle Aratais anywhere and few records of the lordship’s history remain intact, one can assume that Lord Erkon does eventually cause something catastrophic through some act of science. But don’t tell him that. Not because it might mess with the timeline, it would just get him all melancholic and dramatical. He’s annoying enough as it is.

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Dr. Whatshisface

I can’t remember his name for the life of me and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. 

Dr. Whatshisface’s only supervillain “superpower” was that he has a really good immune system. Like, he’s never taken a sick day as long as he’s worked here. Like, he is completely immune to all disease and most venoms. But it’s basically impossible for him to get an organ transplant as his body would reject it immediately. Though his white blood cells can reject other people’s organs for them if he gets his blood on them. But any ability that only works after you’ve been injured is still pretty lame.

This makes him the butt of a lot of jokes around here. Normally the only basis for promotion at this company is how good you are at having a cool boss battle against a superhero. But, honestly, if a hero gets this far down we’re probably boned anyways.

He only got to be a miniboss for dumb reasons like being a hard worker, reliability, having actual qualifications like a PhD in epidemiology. Y’know, lame stuff.

He only wears a hazmat suit because he is a germaphobe and thinks breathing pathogens is icky. Why he chose to study disease is anyone’s guess, though it might be a case of chicken or egg.

He likely got his superpowers as a result of some kind of experiment he did on himself, but he hasn’t been able to replicate it as it has a more pataphysical origin rather than scientific.

My Nemeses:

The Chaotic Arch Nemesister

Their name obviously isn’t actually Nemesister, but I refer to them as that exclusively.

We have a fierce sibling rivalry. Since we’re both dangerous lunatics, these spats tend to create a lot of collateral damage. The only reason we haven’t destroyed each other yet is because our Evil Overlord (Mom) won’t allow it. We occasionally work together to cook up a real Avengers level threat.  

Nemesister also inherited the mad science gene. While I am nominally evil but actually has good intentions, Nemesister is genuinely chaotic neutral. I commit atrocities believing the ends justify the means, she commits them for fun. They don’t really care if what they’re doing is morally good or bad; they just want things to blow up or be smashed by giant transgenic chicken dinosaurs. So they’re more of an antihero than an actual supervillain. Consequently, they tend to fight about as many bad guys as good guys.

They have a deep frenemyship with Gecko-Girl, even sharing a 50 issue comic series called Gecko-Girl/Nemesister (not currently available in your ‘pataphysical reality).

Though they shares a degree of third wall awareness, Nemesister also never reads any of my articles unless they are featured in them, so her knowledge of character backstories and weaknesses are more limited. Unlike me, the laws of continuity and pataphysics tend break down around her. She will attempt to do absurd and frankly silly things, which usually work. She once tried, and succeeded, to *seduce* a *portal*.

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The Internet Famous Gecko-Girl

A zoomer from Manhattan who got bitten by a radioactive gecko, and can do anything a gecko can. 

Like a gecko, she can climb sheer walls (provided they’re dry) thanks to her setae on her hands and feet allowing her which can support a tremendous amount of weight. A normal gecko’s feet can support a maximum of 300 pounds depending on what they’re climbing on and with low moisture. Since Gecko-Girl’s hands and feet are bigger than that of a gecko and can thus fit more setae, she can support even more weight than that. I’m not sure how she hides her weird setae finger pads as her secret identity. Gloves, I guess?

There are also a couple abilities we don’t normally think of geckos having but they do apparently. She also has a long, sticky, elastic tongue she can shoot out and catch bad guys with… which is super gross. She can also “taste” the air, similar to snakes, which greatly improves her sense of smell. Yes, geckos do this too. And she has pretty good night vision because most geckos are nocturnal.

She can change color to match her environment. It’s not just chameleons that do that. Granted, she would need to be naked to make the most use of it sense it’s just her skin changing color. Which she is. Oh, you thought her costume was spandex? Since when does spandex cling to every nook and cranny of someone’s muscles and tits? Nope, she’s completely naked! That way she doesn’t need to worry about wearing a costume under her normal clothes. She just rips open her shirt like Superman and she’s good to go. How does she manage to do backflips and shit with her completely unsupported gravity-defying hungolomghnonoloughongous? Um… super strong gecko connective tissues?

She can detach and regrow her tail to distract predators! Of course, being a human with gecko powers, the only “tail” she has is her tailbone. So not super useful… 

She also has a “job” as a “social media influencer” where she takes selfies of herself in “costume” while on patrol or fighting crime. She also sells the rights to her brand and likeness, especially to the perpetually angry podcast host Johnny Jones Johnson Jr. because he uses her photos to create drama which in turn gives her more clicks. 

Some say this is a huge conflict of interest, that she romanticizes vigilantism, or she is monetarily incentivized to take unnecessary stunts or to bully suspects just to rile up her following. But she’s also internet famous, so she doesn’t really care.

The Virtuous Heroguy

Herogy is an alien from the planet Neon. Despite looking completely indistinguishable from a human and even being able to interbreed with humans 1don’t get me started on how unrealistic that is. For whatever reason, being an alien makes him completely indestructible and literally infinitely strong.

He has a deathly peanut allergy; his one and only weakness. He can also be affected by colorful crystals from his home planet, but those mostly just slow him down slightly or make him gay or some shit. Usually not worth the effort. I do wonder how his species could live on a planet made of the stuff though.

He “has a strict moral code” to “never kill” despite the fact that he regularly brutalizes my minions leaving them to bleed out and collapses whole buildings full of people by accident. But he’s got the spirit, anyways.

He has an iron will and unshakable moral code that he never compromises on. He was the first superhero; his sheer unassailable virtue has inspired many other superhumans to follow in his footsteps, as well as hope in civilians. While being morally uncompromising is certainly admirable, I think it’s unfortunate he’s stuck on a moral compass that condones brutalizing criminals but enables systemic evils.

The Token Strong Female Character Miracle Mistress

Very scientifically important medical examination, yes. For science.

Miracle Mistress is basically the same as Heroguy in every way except that she is female and somehow manages to quip even more often. Also, unlike Heroguy who at least has some moral struggles and internal conflict, she’s just a textbook Mary Sue.

She never has any struggles, has to improve herself, or is faced with any kind of moral dilemma. There is seemingly no problem she can’t easily solve uncompromisingly with overwhelming violence. She also dresses very scantily despite saying she’s an icon of female empowerment. 

It’s almost as some male writer created her solely to fulfill a “strong female character” quota without really understanding anything about feminism or that “strong” refers to strength of will and character, not physical strength. But that would be absurd.

Minor Characters:

Hyenabrid

Her name is Hyenabrid, 'cause she's a human-hyena hybrid

Hyenabrid is a human-hyena hybrid, also known as a hyman or huena depending on parentage. She was created accidentally by Dr. Erkon and Nemesister when we were messing around with DNA and cell cultures while arguing about whether spotted hyenas or anglerfish are better. We still have no idea how that happened. 

Did you know that hyenas not only can easily bite through bone, but actually *eat* bones? Yeah, in a fight Hyenabrid can easily take off limbs, and will if given an opening. She doesn’t seem to consider eating humans as cannibalism, so it’s fair game. Beyond her tremendous gains from high testosterone and all the sit ups she does in her cell, she’s also like 7 feet tall. Granted, she’s got digitigrade legs so she’s basically on her tip-toes at all times, but still. Those legs also give her much better leverage for running and kicking.

Attempts to use hymans or huenas as supersoldiers have failed. Hyenabrid, being an alpha female matriarch, has such a dominant personality that she refuses to follow orders of any kind. While an attempt was made to manipulate her using reverse psychology, she proved to not be an idiot and saw right through that.

She attempted to overthrow her creators and take control of Arete Laboratories on several occasions. While she was initially successful, the board of shareholders voted against it as they believed the company spokesman being a seven foot tall naked hyena lady with a massive schlong would not attract investors.

So far they’ve been content to just leave her locked up in containment. But HR has been getting a lot of complaints about her sexually harassing the male minions. They’ve been trying to sell her off to some suspiciously rich furry, but few remained interested after actually meeting her in person. Those who still were all during the “test drive”. They knew the risks.

Most of the containment staff secretly hope that during the next containment breach she’d, like, die, or escape, or something. They just want her to stop being their problem. But then, during spotted hyena mating season, there was a containment breach in which Hyenabrid was the only survivor. Luckily, we are not liable for life insurance claims from “death by snu-snu”.

HR’s current recommendation is to just not walk in front of her cell window, which seems to have solved the problem.

Featured in:

The Executive Head Miniboss of Accounting at Arete Laboratories.

Company policy at Arete Laboratories is that employees in upper to middle management must be able to have a cool boss battle against a superhero. They also need to dress flamboyantly and have eccentric personalities. That’s just the way we do things here. It makes our staff meetings way more interesting.

The Accountant is one of the most feared minibosses. Normally underlings are afraid of failing for the last time because their boss would obliterate them with their mind lasers or something. But just being in a conversation with the accountant at all is a fate worse than death for anyone who isn’t also an accountant. Economics, bleh. He did defeat a protagonist once by giving them unsolicited financial advice, causing them to commit suicide out of sheer boredom.

To be fair he does have the most interesting personality of any accountant I’ve met. But that’s like the difference between white bread and stale white bread. I mean, he is evil. But all accountants are evil, their job description is basically to lie, cheat, and steal for their company as much as possible without incurring the wrath of the IRS.

Arete Laboratories:

Arete is an Ancient Greek philosophical concept for fulfilling one’s full potential. We use it as a metaphor for transhumanism.

I run a secret science organization called Arete Laboratories. Basically, imagine a cross between Black Mesa, the SCP Foundation, Cognito Inc., Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., A.I.M., Tesla, etc. The mission statement of Arete is to conquer the world via impractical doomsday devices, supersoldiers, and deepstate influence. But we mostly just do general mad scientific research. 

The US government subcontracts some of the containment and study of anomalous artifacts and extraterrestrials to us after Area 51 was compromised during the September 20, 2019 raid. The CIA will probably be annoyed at me for saying that, but whatever. What are they gonna do, assassinate me? For the ninth time? I’ll just reincarnate into another clone body, I don’t care.

Arete Laboratories Hierarchy:

Diabolical Mastermind – Me.

Miniboss – We’re a family here at Arete Labs; and like a family, we firmly believe that anyone in upper to middle management positions should be able to fight a superhero in a cool boss battle. Does hiring people to positions of leadership based on strength and quirkiness instead of any actually relevant qualifications create systemic problems? Yes. Does it make business meetings much more interesting when half the people there are eccentric lunatics with superpowers? Also yes. 

Science Team – The TEAM which does SCIENCE! They’re mainly drawn from scientists and researchers who can’t do science at a more reputable company for silly little reasons like having lost their medical license, being wanted for crimes against humanity, or having faked their own death to escape crippling student loan debt. 

Henchmen – Henchmen are Arete’s private army of mooks who die in droves just to minorly inconvenience any superheroes, secret agents, or any other protagonistic nemeses that may appear. Though it is a dangerous job, they have a good union that provides very good life and health insurance benefits.

Evil Minion – Minions are any employee at Arete Laboratories who serve in noncombat roles and aren’t members of the science team. I.e. janitors, receptionists, accountants, etc. Despite having “evil” in their job title, we would like any heroes to know that they are just trying to make a dishonest living and have loving families, and should think twice before throwing entire secret lairs full of them into space. Again.

T-Class – The “T” in T-Class stands for “test subject”. They are disposable, orange jumpsuit-wearing, personnel who are used as raw materials for monsters or for the occasional sacrifice to an elder god. If a miniboss gets too frustrated and wants to kill a henchman for failing them for the last time, the Henching Union requires they at least try to kill a T-Class first to see if that makes them feel better. 

If a T-Class manages to survive an entire year, they complete their internship and are rewarded with “experience”. Then they can choose to take on another year to earn a franchise, at the end of which they’ll get to keep any superpowers they may or may not have acquired.

Contained Anomalies – Since Arete specializes in seeking forbidden knowledge and creating monsters, they have long needed the capability to contain anomalous objects and individuals. After the Area 51 raid, the government subcontracts Arete for the containment and study of anomalies and extraterrestrials. So it’s safe to say there are a lot of very strange things hidden in Arete’s containment facilities. Due to Arete’s need of superhumans for upper management positions, certain anomalies can be promoted out of containment for good behavior.

Due to how important the safe containment of these are, as some would literally be world ending if they escape, the heavy containment facilities are well hidden and exempt from all other criminal activities as to not attract any dumbass superheroes who don’t seem to understand what collateral damage means.

Chemiballs

Chemiballs are chemistry memes and comics inspired by Countryballs (also known as Polandball), which is a popular style of internet meme art. Many other ball communities exist, such as Planetballs, Ideologyballs, LGBallT, Planetballs, and Bioballs.

I like to draw and write about Chemiballs (and likely other balls in the future) but they are not cannon to the Ravings of a Mad Scientist Universe. Like all ball communities, Chemiballs are creative commons and belong to no one.

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